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poetry [Feb. 2nd, 2006|01:25 am]


naïve embodiment with 1
nervous step, forward
cynical detachment is
a figure; 8
young people mirroring selves. the pain

coming softly on wings
as if nothing has ever happened:
jurisprudence, potential, tenor, beauty;
sacrificed. sacrifice.
the highest goal, a promise

of equality / of quality.
maybe becoming is more in
the doing the using the used.
being more
than this, at least. curious

clocks ticking 2, 3, 4
the bois who long to be grls to see
to feel the hurt
where no surprise comes
but the end inevitably does

[User Picture]From: starfrosting
2006-02-02 02:47 pm (UTC)
I love the wordplay, the philosophical underpinnings. ("maybe becoming is more in/the doing the using the used./being more/than this, at least. curious" is fucking great.) if you edit yr poetry, don't know if you do, or take suggestions, I would suggest fleshing out with some images the stanza w/"jurisprudence, poetential, tenor, beauty"--but that's just me, and it might fuck up the formal tightness.

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[User Picture]From: transubsituated
2006-02-02 04:31 pm (UTC)
I do edit and always always welcome suggestions. Thanks O. x
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